January 11 2009 I Am Back

It was December 5th 2009, Finally the lap bang surgery that was going to cure everything had arrived.

We drove down to Moncton NB Thursday night checked into the Ramada Crystal Palace Hotel.. I was so excited but yet something in me kept me calm , too calm.

I was terrifed that is what it was I was terrified of the very thing I just new was going to cure me and back everything all better. No more sore knees and legs. The feet would somehow just start to fl much better. Wow Was I into a rude awakening!

Surgery Monrning:

I let Trish and Britt sleep in at the hotel and I took a cab over to the hospital. I needed to do this on my own. They would come over around 12.00pm when hey woke ate and I would be out of surgery and awake.. That part of the plan went well.

Once well enough to go home Trish drove us home. I was so glad to be back in my own bed. The world at my finger tips, or so I thought.

That night Edwin got home same time as we did. perfect , he went to Pharmacy to get pain pills for me. I would need then surely that night. Oh was that right I sure did need them.

Things went from good to bad fast. I thougth I was going to barf when I saw the 5 incisions on my whole belly. I was not anticipating them being so large red or full of staples. 15 staples to be exact. Painful ones . I looked like Frankenstein on a good day..

Saturday morning came I mean 2am in the morning. I was in sooo much pain it was awful. I flt with every move that if I did not carry my belly like literaly hold my belly fat each time I moved I thought it was being pulled right off of me . Tearing me as if someone was stabing my belly and side with each movement. The pain meds came in real handy then. The only problem with the meds was that they made me totally loopy. So loppy I swear I ws speakin with te grinch and that spider monkeys were in my bedroom blinds. Nothing duct tape was not able to take care of. Man the guy who created that tape had no idea of all the uses for it.LOL


Sunday I was still sore but semed a bit better. I was at this time wondering why I had this surgery. I tried to tell myself it was all worth it cause it was going to fix all the problems right .. right.. that was suppose to make me lose weight and help all the rest of the problems like why I ate in the firts place right? ? ??


NO THAT IS NOT RIGHT AND WOW WHAT AN EYE OPENING EXPERIENCE TO LEARN I WAS THE PROBLEM . THAT I WAS OUT OF CONTROL. I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE ME SO OBESE.SO OUT OF CONTROL. EVEN SCARIER I THINK WAS AND STILL ALTHOUGH NOT AS MUCH I HAD TO LEARN TO LIKE ME AGAIN NOT THAT PERSON PEOPLE TOLD ME I WAS .

I was and always have been a nice person, hopefully considrate of others and most of all worth every ounze of time and energy I give myself. This concept was foreig to me. Once I became a mom it was all about my daughter. She had to me #1 that is all I rememeber hearing from people. That your life changed. What I realize now if It changes alright but I was still the important person in my own life and i was important too. I lost myself along the weigh. I starte to give myself time for me by putting food in my mouth. It made me feel complete when I was not feeling complete or self assured. I wold have killed to be told I was a good mom or a good wife by him but I never heard that so I started to turn to food for that intimate feeling we had lost.
Hence the name of my blog.. I am Back . After having realized this I am back!! I take that time for me and I am doing lap band lifetime acievement time for me.. Keep me honest folks . I need and want yes want a lot of feed back!!! Pictures daily recipe and cries for help. Let us make our taking back the bite of our lives worth every bite!!! cheese cake cannot be the only thing that tastes great!! Our lives and us are worth it!!!